11.11.12 What to do about the Red States

Didja here where Peter Morrison, treasurer of the Hardin County, TX GOP, has called for Texas to secede from the Union in response to the election?

I say, let them go! In fact, I think embossed invitations to depart should be sent to every state where Romney got 55% or more of the vote. (This includes, in order of Romney win percentage: UT [73%!], WY, OK, ID, WV, AL, AR, KY, NE, KS, TN, ND, LA, SD, TX, MS, AK, MT, SC.)

Let them institute the Christian equivalent of Sharia law, require kindergarteners to carry assault weapons, abolish public education, stone female adulterers (but not the guys: they can’t help it, the poor fellas), prosecute masturbators, parade  homosexuals down main streets in stocks, outlaw emergency-room health care for the poor, torture immigrants, and require poison to be dumped in all lakes and rivers (except those that drain into our country).

Let us, in turn, institute very liberal immigration policies for political refugees from our regressive neighbor.

If we can’t get the evil states to leave, the least we can do — all progressives — is to boycott them. From now on: unless you have relatives there whom you have no choice but to visit, let all good-hearted folks swear never to spend another dime that supports fascism.


©2012 Keith Berner



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11 Comments on “11.11.12 What to do about the Red States”

  1. KenF Says:

    Texas may not be lost. Demograpics could turn it brown, and blue.


    • Keith Berner Says:

      The snarky part of me says, “Who cares? Who wants Texas, anyway. Other than Austin and SXSW, why would anyone give a shit about that horrible wasteland?”

      The more sensible part of me says, “You’re right!”


  2. Woody Brosnan Says:

    II understand the sentient, but go see Lincoln, as I just did, and I believe you rethink it. As Obama said, we are not a nation of Red States and Blue States,we are the United States. And what about the 20 to 40 percent of the citizens who voted for Obama in Red States? Are we going to leave them unprotected by the Constitution? And many of the cities in these states, like Memphis and Atlanta,have voted for progressive Democrats. Are we going to tell people not to visit the MLK Center in Atlanta or the Civil Rights Museum in Memphis?


    • Keith Berner Says:

      Good to hear from you, Woody!

      The liberal political asylum policy will welcome the 20-40% of the Red States that is not evil. The retrograde forces in the Red States can visit the MLK Center or the Memphis museum if they wish. We don’t have to pay our good money to support their reactionary forces (which we do every time we pay a hotel bill or fill up our gas tank in a Red State).

      I am torn right now about how seriously I mean my aggressively hostile position vis-a-vis the Red States. I know I am not being particularly reasonable and that it would be a moral calamity to abandon their populations to the terror of their angry white men. But it feels so damn good right now telling the Neanderthal Right to go fuck itself! Since I have no chance of precipitating a split of the Union, please allow me my momentary joy!


      • leonmorse Says:

        Bollocks! The ire against “red states” is 1) woefully counterproductive, 2) ignorant of true demographics, and 3) a waste of time.

        Counterproductive because it is simply blaming some of us for our collective woes. Democrats need to do a better job getting their message out–perhaps forming a message–just like Republican leaders need to recognize that they are out of touch.

        In 2008, every state except Alaska and Oklahoma had at least one county that voted for Obama. In 2012, only Utah joined that duo. So as a country it is not a matter of state versus state; other demographics are at work. Perhaps you want to simply allow counties with more than 55% Romney support to vamoose?

        I may not be ready to agree with a 50-state strategy, but I do think that the more political parties isolate their likely supporters and strengthen that support with pandering, the less we can hope to rely on actual facts, science, and plain good ideas to solve our problems. Political campaigning should be part educational. Let’s push for that.



      • Keith Berner Says:

        Thanks Leon — I can always count on you to keep me honest!

        I find it interesting that this post has generated more reader comments than most others and that it is running strongly against my sentiment. Of course, my sentiment was just that: emotional, not reasoned. My head gets your argument and agrees with it at the same time that my heart considers the Hard Right as an alien species which I would like to expel from my world. (Ahhh, the irony of liberal intolerance!)

        For what it’s worth, as enthusiastically as I condemn the Right and the GOP collectively, I never treat individuals that way. I’m always on board for a respectful conversation, even as I want to annihilate the groups these individuals belong to.


  3. Glad you’re torn…. it isn’t reasonable.
    I’m living in this red state, but there are a lot of us who voted blue this time and will probably continue to. What about us?



    • Keith Berner Says:

      I’m with you: no abandonment of good people!

      (This blog is purposely provocative and not all my bloviating can be taken 100% face value. Still, you cannot blame me for desiring a Red-State-free country, can you?)


  4. Danila Says:

    I would rather you focus your ire on the Democratic Party for abandoning the “Red” States. What would it take to bring the 50-state strategy back?


    • Keith Berner Says:

      Are you suggesting that Obama should have taken money out of, say, Ohio or Virginia, in order to spend money in places like Utah and Wyoming? The Electoral College dictates where presidential campaigns spend their money. Democrats *did* contest and win significant senate races in red states.


  5. […] post-election post suggesting that we kick out all the red states generated more disagreement than anything else […]


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